note: “holoblomo” stands for Horribly Local Blogging Month, my response to National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) that happens every November. The NaNoWriMo challenge asks writers to compose 50,000 words in a month; I chose 10,000 as my goal. Enjoy.
So here we are.
Oh come on. You know this one’s going to be a list of things I am thankful for. I mean, that’s what people do on Thanksgiving, right? It’s the one thing we can all expect to have served at dinner. Even the vegans. Sharing things we are thankful for is the cranberry sauce of Thanksgiving: expected, demanded, but few people really want it.
But I am not serving cranberry sauce this year. So...
Here are some things that I am not thankful for:
I am not thankful for studies. Studies that seem to constantly show that everything I do or have done is horribly wrong and will kill me. Studies that show that everything I have bought, thought, consumed, inhaled, watched, or witnessed is the opposite of what I should have bought, thought, consumed, inhaled, watched, or witnessed. Studies that fold their arms and sit on their high horses and point directly at me, telling me that I am essentially doomed. And especially studies that say one thing one day and then come out again six months later saying the exact opposite thing.
I am not thankful for the concept of limited-time-only. It makes me think I want a Shamrock Shake when in actuality I do not want one and will never want one.
I am not thankful for knick-knacks.
I am not thankful that this casting notice existed:
Role: Hot Girl Customer (Guest-Star) who comes in for a job interview and shows her breasts to get the job.
Rate/Compensation: Chance to be on a network reality show, free exposure and chance of a recurring role, and free haircut or massage, depending on storyline.
I am not thankful for DVD easter eggs that can only be accessed after you’ve watched everything on the disc.
I am not thankful for the 6-inch stiletto trend.
And finally, I am not thankful for the exploitation of holidays like Thanksgiving in order to feed my futile desire for an idyllic existence just so I’ll be tempted to buy that potato ricer or table runner.
But I am thankful for a lot more than I am not, including -- to borrow a phrase from PBS -- viewers like you.
Happy Thanksgiving, my devoted dozens.
(Which reminds me... I am also thankful for warm rolls.)
SIDE NOTE REGARDING YESTERDAY’S POST: I found out last night that I am no longer puppeteering Cookie in today’s parade, but Grover instead. I do love Grover, and even though this means I’ll have to take off half of my coat due to his skinniness, thankfully it’s not freezing, so it’s okay. Lesson learned: never blog about something you’re happy about potentially happening until after it’s happened. It’s all good, though, because it’s not raining. Not raining on parade day is way more important than what puppet you have on. Trust me on this.
And that’s 10,759 words.
Yes indeed. Welcome to me.
Just be thankful that there are dozens of us. DOZENS! (imagine with Tobias Fünke voice)ReplyDelete
Yes, I am indeed truly thankful for all of my little never-nudes...ReplyDelete
(...I bet Lady Gaga considered and ultimately rejected "never-nudes" as the reference to her fan base instead of "monsters"...)
Your dozens are thankful for your blog! Happy Thanksgiving!ReplyDelete