con

So here we are.

Did you ever imagine a place so fabulous that you can’t get in unless you agree to spend shuckloads of money and leave your pride at the door and succumb to mob mentality? And even then you still might not be able to get in? 

Did you ever want to stand in line forever? Over and over again?

Did you ever want to sit in a hotel ballroom and squint at your favorite TV actors from 50 rows away, straining to hear potential season spoilers over a sound system that pops and crackles?

Did you ever want to be one the very first 1000 people to see scenes from that upcoming blockbuster and realize that it sucks and be one of the very first 1000 people to crap on it all over the Internet?

Did you ever want to spend weeks and months hand-sewing that costume, scouring online shops for just the right wig, and carefully applying your makeup design only to run into someone else dressed exactly like you, only so much better that other people want to take pictures with him/her because he/she looks just like the real thing? 

Did you ever want to have access to so many amazing panel discussions that you wind up seeing none of because you can’t decide which ones to go to and by the time you figure it all out, they are all filled up?

Did you ever want to spend the latter part of your day trying to find parking?

Did you ever want to pay money to meet your favorite actor/artist/filmmaker/legend and get so nervous with anticipation in the endless line you can only squeak out Ungh huj osco and forget your own name? Do you covet halfheartedly scrawled autographs penned by a fatigued wrist?

Did you ever want to be a part of a carnival where you are the clown?

Did you ever want to spend significant portions of your annual salary on exclusive and not-so-exclusive products that end up sitting in boxes, stuffing and choking your closets for years to come, only to be unearthed after the reality show crew comes in to heartlessly throw them away?

Did you ever start itching to scan countless QR codes until the cows come home?

Did you ever dream of entering dozens of raffles, contests, and sweepstakes that you have no chance in hell of winning?

Did you ever hope to breathe recycled air thick with musty spores from old products, glitter, wisps of Klingon wigs, and body spray?

Do you love bad lighting, neutral wallpaper, free keychains, and fast food? Do you love flyers and cheap button pins? 

And above all, do you love saying whoooooo!!!! ?

You’re in luck, kids... the next Comic-Con is only 368 days away.

Yes indeed. Welcome to me.