season two

So here we are.

The second season of any series is fraught with peril. That’s why they call it the “sophomore slump.” (This has nothing to do with the “freshman 15,” but then again, many people who work in TV do tend to gain weight during first season production because of all the catering and craft service...) And since we’re in our second season here, the royal “we” (meaning me) are worried about such a slump.

Of course, I’m aware that this blog is not a television show; however, it is a place of storytelling and humor for the purposes of entertainment, and it originally launched in the fall. That’s enough for me to make the analogy.

The reason why the second season is tricky is because all of the best stories and concepts and jokes were used in season one... ironically, in an effort to get picked up for that second season. So some shows open up the world and add new characters. Others get rid of characters that aren’t working. Some even do some revamping and change the tone entirely. Remember when Family Ties was about a hippie mom and dad trying to figure out their kids in the Reagan era? Before it became The Adventures of Alex P. Keaton? Remember when The Odd Couple went from single-camera to multi-camera with a live studio audience?

Hell, it doesn’t just happen in the second season, either. Now that all the Fall Preview issues are out, I’m reading all about how everything I like is potentially going to be ruined by all sorts of let’s-make-some-creative-changes/we’ve-run-out-of-good-ideas crap. Perhaps I am overreacting. But I’ve been burned before and thusly am wary. (Why must Mad Men toy with me so?)

Of course, some changes are great, like the ones in the aforementioned The Odd Couple. And when Renee Auberjonois joined Benson, and Markie Post joined Night Court, life inarguably became better. But is it too much to ask to try to find a way to get those adorable babies who play Hope on Raising Hope to stop aging entirely? Where is science when you need it?

There’s no need to fret about this blog. I’m not going to add any characters (like creating my own alter ego, evil twin, or identical cousin) or take any away (since I’m the only one), and I’m not going to be occasionally visited by a little green alien character that only I can see. But it’s tempting to want to shake things up a bit, just for the sake of shaking. Now I understand why so many TV shows get ruined. The powers-that-be get bored, so enter Ted McGinley!

See now, I never made any Ted McGinley references in season one. Still, I suppose it’s an inside TV reference, which I made plenty of last year, so maybe it’s a matter of expanding my horizons within a particular universe. 

Hey, maybe I need to change the theme song. Bosom Buddies did it. Ed did it and then changed back. Even Gilligan’s Island eventually changed lyrics, promoting “the Professor and Mary Ann” from “...and the rest.” Not that I ever had a theme song, but that in itself would be a change, wouldn’t it? And it’s not as though I haven’t incorporated songs into this universe before (see web...blah...log: the musical! and tra la). It just might work.

Of course, TV theme songs have changed a lot over the years. They used to be as long as 60 seconds and sometimes they even became radio hits. Now they’re mostly generic instrumentals or chopped-up phrases of pop songs that take up as little time as possible. This is amplified at the Emmy Awards, when symphonic arrangements of these songs get played as the winners approach the podium. They are so short that they are looped over and over, and because they are not necessarily meant to be played by a 64-piece orchestra, some of them sound totally unidentifiable. 

So let’s split the difference by having a short song with original lyrics:

It’s a log on the web

It’s a blah on the web

It’s a web with a blah

It’s a log with a blah

It’s a blah on a log

It’s a no, not a blog

It’s a web...blah...log!

It can even have a short version for when the episode runs long: It’s a log on the web/It’s a blah on the web/It’s a web...blah...log!

We don’t have to worry about this theme song getting played at the Emmys. It won’t get played at the Webbys, either, since I don’t think they play music at the ceremony and I will never win a Webby. But if by some chance this blog did win a Webby, I’d have the perfect required 5-word acceptance speech:

Mine has a theme song!

And now I don’t need to win. 

Yes indeed. Welcome to me.