from the vault: "civilization"

So here we are. 

Here’s a little tale that I wrote a few years ago, long before the threat of the Rapture that didn’t happen. Enjoy.

The civilization was crumbling. Riots and burning and statues toppling. It was of great concern to the Ruler. He sent out a dictum to his subordinates to quickly compile a recorded history of the civilization so that it would not be lost to the ages.

woman of letters

So here we are.

My last post attracted a comment -- or rather, an unrelated question -- that I should probably address. It was from a loyal reader, Anonymous:

http://broadwayworld.com/article/Tesori-DAbruzzi-to-Serve-on-Tony-Awards-Film-Series-Panel-523-20110519 ... d'Abruzzi?

This question could mean many things. It could mean:

Who the hell is d’Abruzzi? Is that supposed to be you?

That answer is yes. Or it could mean:

Did you change your last name? Are you in the worst Witness Protection ever?

That answer is no. Or, it could also mean:

Are you going to beat the crap out of the BroadwayWorld.com intern who blatantly mis-typed your name when two other theatre sites who received the exact same press release managed to get it right?

Now, now... calm down, everyone. This is exactly why I’m not running for president. Every little thing gets blown out of proportion. (Oh, and that answer is definitely no.)

Here’s something you should know about life: 

press release

So here we are.

I have an announcement to make that may come as a bit of a shock to you. It has to do with the future of my career, since I am currently staring down a dark alley of unemployment ahead of me.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this, as decisions like these cannot be made recklessly. There have been sleepless nights and many tears in this difficult battle between my heart and reality. But after wrestling with the pros and cons, weighing all of my options, and seeking counsel from trusted friends and advisors, I came to the realization that a person must ultimately choose the path that will be the most beneficial; not just for herself, but for the greater good.

So it is with a heavy heart that I say the following to you now:

I am not running for president.

so much for that

So here we are.

A little more than two weeks ago, I wrote a post titled “omp!” that I thought was light, silly, and a tad ridiculous. I envisioned the comical, almost satirical concept of a National Prom Night. A massive distraction of tulle and manicures and corsages for adults. How cute and clever I was. 

Yeah... no. 

Yesterday, a nice big feature story in the New York Times informed me that adult proms are apparently now a big hit in the heartland. So much for my comedic take on tradition. It’s not funny when it’s real. In the words of the third-grade me, “now they think I copied*.” 

hello koo

So here we are.

The best haiku I ever wrote was in or around 1990:

Oh I hate haiku

There aren’t enough syllables 

To try to say what --

I still stand by that sentiment, but there are times when I wish that certain things had to be written in haiku form, just to cap the word count. Like internet comments. Even in its limited capacity, I think a haiku could neatly sum up the rambling, pointless points of many a commenter:

priorities

So here we are.

The past seven days have been, to say the least, chock-full of important news. Devastation and death in the South, the marriage of a future King, the long-form birth certificate, and of course, at long last, the elimination of The Elusive One. Heady, heavy stuff, all of which will wind up in history books.

While the masses waved flags and breathed sighs of relief mixed with anxiety, I found myself vexed by the whims of a cupcake truck.

Before your commenting fingers get all judge-y, consider the following: the cupcakes were free, and they were from Sprinkles. 

I’ve sought out Sprinkles cupcakes whenever my travels have taken me to Los Angeles, and after years of patient waiting, their gradual expansion has finally brought them to my backyard. Their NYC location opens on May 13, and to publicize that, the Sprinklesmobile is in town this week to hand out free treats. You can chant “U-S-A!” all you like, but nothing screams sweet freedom quite like free deliciousness. 

omp!

So here we are.

Have you heard? Prom is coming! Lord & Taylor told me so! Their weekend sale email said it all: OH MY PROM!*

*Seriously. I didn’t make that up. I’m not that funny.

Disney knows it too! They’re bombarding me with promos and trailers for their new movie, Prom. And just to show you that it’s serious, the funnnews* arm of the Disney machine, Good Morning America, recently produced an “Extreme Proms” segment about outrageous - dare I say “extreme?” -  prom spending. 

*I did just coin “funnnews.” It’s not just news, it’s FUNnnews! The extra “n” is for “nutty!” 

...I told you, I’m not that funny.

Yes, Prom Fever is the very best kind of fever, not to be confused with Actual Prom Fever, wherein someone without a date for the prom pretends to be home sick with a fever. Or Real Actual Prom Fever, where someone really is home sick with a fever and misses prom. Or Unfortunate Real Actual Prom Fever, where someone is sick with a fever but goes to prom anyway. That one is the one that ends the least well. 

inevitability

So here we are.

No one needs to hear my two cents on the recent cancellations of All My Children and One Life To Live because the air is already so thick with opinion (or vocalized apathy) that you can slice up the atmosphere like an Easter ham.

Of course, if life in America has taught us anything, it’s that you may not need Pajama Jeans, but here they are nonetheless.

Seeing as I’m part of the problem in that I am classified as a “severely casual-to-non” soap watcher, I have no reason to comment on these goings-on, nor will I bemoan the future of series production in New York or the Daytime Emmys, and I certainly won’t discuss the replacement shows (a chat-fest/feast about cooking and eating, followed immediately by a program focused on weight loss that will no doubt tell me that I can’t eat the food I just saw... thanks, TV!).

Instead, I’m going to muse about my middle school summers.