guest columnist: a message from 2016

So here we are, after a very long time.

The nice thing about having a generally defunct blog-that’s-not-a-blog is that when you write something that you think is good enough to submit somewhere, and you do, and that somewhere does not necessarily agree with your estimation… you have somewhere to put it. The writing does not go to waste. This “web…blah…log” ensures that no part of my creative buffalo is lost, for better or for worse.

I was awoken by this initial thought at 4 AM on Monday morning (before the deaths of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds). I wrote this a few hours later. I submitted it to a place I am too embarrassed to name. It wasn’t good enough for this particular place but I did want to share it with whomever of you might still be out there.

Note: In the days that have passed, I have seen some similar sentiments on Twitter. But I swear that I didn’t copy ‘em. I have not edited the piece since I wrote it.

Happy New Year to you all (few as you may be). Let’s keep a good thought for our uncertain future, whilst doing whatever we can to help that along. Hope is not a passive endeavor.

And now, I’ll hand over the reins to our guest:

from the vault: high school essay

So here we are.

It's been a while, I know. And I still have nothing new to say. But with the Internet all awash in misty watercolor memories of a seemingly ancient political scandal, and seeing all sorts of fallout articles about how Millennials view feminism, I thought I'd dredge up an old, unpublished gem from my laptop's innards that I think is a wee bit timely. It's a parody essay about feminism, written from the view of an ignorant-yet-trying-to-be-intelligent high school student in 1998. It was rejected - years ago - for publication elsewhere when I initially wrote it in 2007, so hell, why not here?

("Hell, why not here?" is, coincidentally, a rejected tagline for this site.)

I reiterate: it's a parody essay, written in another character's voice. It does not reflect my own opinion, beliefs, or general knowledge. Don't be all snarky and quote any lines out of context. And again, think 1998. Oh, and it's supposed to be funny, or maybe it isn't… but that's the way it always goes here at "web…blah…log."

I shouldn't have to qualify a post that much, but it's the Internet, so you know that I do.

Enjoy:

3rd blog-iversary

So here we are, on the third anniversary of “web…blah…log.” 

It seems appropriate that today, on this [insert adjective of your choice here] occasion, I should let you know that there’s going to be a bit of a change here: we’re retooling.

internet debate

So here we are.

There is no such thing as a slam dunk on the Internet. There is no such thing as an uncontroversial opinion, no matter how innocuous it may seem to be. You can’t win. Let me repeat that: you can’t win.

For example, let’s make an innocent little point:

Point: I like cookies.

And now, the rebuttals:

priceland

So here we are. 

If the world was like The Price is Right, everyone would be so happy just to be here. There’d be excitement in the air every day, just because of all of the possibilities.

mixed messages

So here we are, at my 250th post.

I can’t say that I’ve learned a lot from my 249 previous posts, or, for that matter, from my 41 years of living, mostly because everything I’ve learned so far seems to be contradicted by all of the other things I’ve learned.

To wit:

dear singers

So here we are.

Here is mostly what Every Sound Guy/Gal says to singers, more or less:

Hey, man, how’s it going? Okay, so this is your mic, and here’s how the mic stand works. Yeah, it’s the kind you squeeze to adjust… right, like that. You got it. Oh, and it’s better if you slide the mic in from the back when you put it back on the stand. The clip is a little wonky. We good here? Ready to check? 

Now, here is what Every Sound Guy/Gal secretly wants to say to singers, but doesn’t ever say because every sound guy/gal is very laid back and cool and would never want to do anything to mess up a show because he’s/she’s just that professional:

rejection letter

So here we are. 

An odd thing happened when I tried to post something to this web…blah…log earlier this year. I got the following form letter: