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Thursday, November 3, 2011

holoblomo day 3: dear society

note: “holoblomo” stands for Horribly Local Blogging Month, my response to National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) that happens every November. The NaNoWriMo challenge asks writers to compose 50,000 words in a month; I chose 10,000 as my goal. Enjoy.

So here we are.
If there is proof that there is something wrong with society, it’s the following headline on web sites and local news stations:
Fun Things To Do With Leftover Halloween Candy.
It is now that I wish to address Society:

Society, let’s not pretend. You and I both know you’re going to just eat your damn Halloween candy. There is no shame in this. 
Sure, you sit there on your pretend high horse and say that you’re tired of having all that candy around. You just keep telling yourself that. 
No one put a gun to your head. No one demanded that you buy more candy than you needed. No one forced you to go out trick-or-treating and get all that candy. This is a free country, and candy is still an uncontrolled drug. Hell, I’m sure that even Ahmadinejad doesn’t care how much or how little candy the Iranians buy. 
So don’t tell me that your worries and woes in these culturally divisive times are centered around your boredom with peanut butter cups or nougat-based confections. If you are a person who actually gets weary of Kit Kats, you are welcome to gather your apples and use the exits.
But we all know that no one buys that many Kit Kats without knowing what they’re in for.
And let’s be honest, Society. All those let’s-find-new-uses-for-the-candy stories aren’t actually about finding new uses for the candy one has laying around the domicile. It’s about providing an excuse to buy more candy.
Hmmm... okay, Society. You win.
And that’s 1425 words.
Yes indeed. Welcome to me. 

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