So here we are.
Here are some Things That Should Be:
- People should be decent.
- People should be compassionate.
- People should find hobbies other than the pure, unadulterated pursuit of power.
- People should realize when they’ve made enough money.
- Kids should be just adorable and precocious enough so that you don’t get sick of them.
- Kids should never know how adorable and precocious they are. It leads to problems and Punky Brewster.
- YouTube should filter its submissions so only the truly cutest puppy videos make the cut and my time is not wasted on lesser puppies.
- There should be no such thing as lesser puppies.
- Life should be fair, complete with instantaneous karma and smiting to those who maliciously break hearts and spirits.
- The quest for deliciousness should have a higher priority.
Here are some Sad Truths:
- Everything will kill you.
- The things that won’t kill you are bad for you.
- There is no Santa.
- There is no try.
- Time will leave us in its wake.
- Human nature has its flaws.
- Nothing gold can stay.
- No one on The Bob Newhart Show ever won an Emmy.
- There is no escaping the inevitable.
- Not all collector’s plates go up in value. Some go down.
Here are some Bad Calls:
- Assumptions (they make an “ass” out of “u” and “mptions”)
- Rushing to declare things and people antiquated
- Predictions based on pomp
- Mayo on pastrami
- Championing mediocrity
- Buying the spin
- Vanity disguised as expertise
- New Coke
But here is the Worst Thing of All:
- Remaking Arthur
Yes indeed. Welcome to me.