harrumph

So here we are.

Here are some Things That Should Be:

1. People should be decent.
2. People should be compassionate.
3. People should find hobbies other than the pure, unadulterated pursuit of power.
4. People should realize when they’ve made enough money.
5. Kids should be just adorable and precocious enough so that you don’t get sick of them.
6. Kids should never know how adorable and precocious they are. It leads to problems and Punky Brewster.
7. YouTube should filter its submissions so only the truly cutest puppy videos make the cut and my time is not wasted on lesser puppies.
8. There should be no such thing as lesser puppies.
9. Life should be fair, complete with instantaneous karma and smiting to those who maliciously break hearts and spirits.
10. The quest for deliciousness should have a higher priority.

Here are some Sad Truths:

1. Everything will kill you.
2. The things that won’t kill you are bad for you.
3. There is no Santa.
4. There is no try.
5. Time will leave us in its wake.
6. Human nature has its flaws.
7. Nothing gold can stay.
8. No one on The Bob Newhart Show ever won an Emmy.
9. There is no escaping the inevitable.
10. Not all collector’s plates go up in value. Some go down.

Here are some Bad Calls:

1. Assumptions (they make an “ass” out of “u” and “mptions”)
2. Rushing to declare things and people antiquated
3. Predictions based on pomp
4. Perjury
5. Hypocrisy
6. Mayo on pastrami
7. Championing mediocrity 
8. Buying the spin
9. Vanity disguised as expertise
10. New Coke

But here is the Worst Thing of All:

1. Remaking Arthur

Yes indeed. Welcome to me.