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Thursday, May 31, 2012


So here we are.
They say that with age comes wisdom. I’m not entirely sure of that. For one, I have plenty of age, but I don’t know who “they” is. How wise could I possibly be?

“They.” Everyone refers to “they,” or “them.” I once had a teacher who insisted that we should never use the term they say, but rather quote the exact source, be it a book or magazine or specific person. For example, They say that Nancy Reagan had an affair with Frank Sinatra was a no-no, but Kitty Kelley claims that Nancy Reagan had an affair with Frank Sinatra was acceptable. Actually, Kitty Kelley claims that Nancy Reagan had an affair with Frank Sinatra wasn’t really acceptable in any respectable high school Honors History class, but you get the idea. (You also get the idea of exactly when I was in high school Honors History class.)
Of course, that was just one year of one teacher and the next year everyone went back to quoting “them.”
It’s not our fault. “They” are a powerful force. “They” have said an awful lot over the long course of time: that falling in love is wonderful, that the road is no place to start a family, that the neon lights are bright on Broadway... “They” even said that Sonny and Cher were too young and didn’t know, and also that Sonny’s hair was too long.
And sure, it was Wise Men who said that only fools rush in, but they couldn’t have been that wise since they aren’t quoted in popular music nearly as much as “They” are. 
Some suspect that “They” is The Man. But that can’t be. The Man is too authoritarian. “They” tell you to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. The Man tells you to shut up and get in line.
Others suspect that “They” is the 1%. But the 1% is too busy counting money to say as much as “They” have said about hemlines and cuisine and what the new black is.
And then there are those who say that “Them” is The Government. But the people who say that seem to be a sort of “Them” as well. 
It’s possible that nowadays the Internet has become a sort of “Them.” It certainly would explain a lot of the flip-flopping on whether meat is good for you or not. But the fact that this blog of mine is even a tiny slice of the Internet would mean that I am one of “Them,” and I don’t ever recall being informed of this inclusion. It’s not like “They” invite me to their meetings where they decide if stepping on a crack is still bad luck, or where they create holidays like Assistants’ Day and National Donut Month, or where they determine proper comma usage. It’s possible that “They” are all on Facebook. I wouldn’t know. I’m not on it. (Shut up.)
Maybe there are some things we’re never supposed to know, no matter how old (and therefore supposedly wise) we get. And just because “They” say something, it doesn’t mean that “We” have to listen to it every single time.
At least we know who “We” are. 
...or do we?
Yes indeed. Welcome to me. 
P.S. My husby says that in the 1954 movie Them!, “They” were giant ants. But why in the world would giant ants care how long Sonny’s hair was?

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