Right now, the "web…blah…log" is not being updated regularly, but feel free to peruse the archive, and check out our carefully selected highlights from Season One, Season Two, and Season Three.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

new and improved

So here we are.

Want to improve something, whether it needs to be improved or not? Here’s how:
  • call it a “re-boot”
  • add bacon to it
  • add CG to it
  • change the soundtrack
  • call it “artisan”
  • call it “heirloom”
  • top it with ice cream
  • top it with artisan ice cream
  • top it with bacon artisan ice cream
  • get Joss Whedon involved
  • put a little mascara and lip gloss on it
  • just drink 6-8 glasses of water
  • add a throw pillow
  • re-paint it
  • bedazzle it
  • re-edit it into a peppy montage
  • cover it with barbecue sauce
  • offer it for a limited time only
  • call it a “special”
  • deep-fry it
  • replace it with the same thing, only made of cashmere
  • put Clooney in it
  • add new, original songs
  • add old, overplayed pop songs
  • take away all of those stupid songs
  • dye it blonde
  • clean it up with a little saddle soap
  • throw a huge lineup of star cameos in it
  • release it in 3D
  • put a pretty grosgrain ribbon on it
  • replace all of the outdated words like “dungarees” and “hoarhound”
  • put a radio in it
  • new window treatments
  • re-cast the leading lady
  • put it out on Blu-ray
  • put cheese on top of it
  • offer it in leather
  • add a lot of cursing and sex
  • add a lot of car crashes
  • add a lot of explosions
  • toast it
  • air it on HBO
  • raise the price
  • top it with a dollop of whipped cream
  • slap a label on it that says “new and improved”
  • give it a new hat
  • throw in a side of fries
  • offer a free gift with purchase
  • dip it in gold
  • mix it in THX
  • get a celebrity to endorse it
  • change the font
  • take out all of the old people
  • put an “i” in front of its name
  • caramelize it
  • get new uniforms
  • add a key light
  • make it smaller
  • make it bigger
  • two words: balloon bouquets
  • write in a lot of scatological jokes
  • give it a happy ending
  • kill everyone at the end
  • say it came from Brooklyn
  • top it with fudge
  • don’t change a thing, and call it “classic”

Yes indeed. Welcome to me.

1 comment: