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Monday, May 9, 2011

hello koo

So here we are.
The best haiku I ever wrote was in or around 1990:
Oh I hate haiku
There aren’t enough syllables 
To try to say what --
I still stand by that sentiment, but there are times when I wish that certain things had to be written in haiku form, just to cap the word count. Like internet comments. Even in its limited capacity, I think a haiku could neatly sum up the rambling, pointless points of many a commenter:

This post is stoopid
AMERICANS are the best
I hate fat people
Groan...DISAGREE... yawn
My opinion trumps your facts
You get paid to write?
I’mma think its kewl
4 hot singels click here now
Or 2 loose ten lbs
Contracts, void of fancy legalese, would simply read:
We give you money
You give us your life and soul
‘Til we change our minds
Film reviews, often cluttered by pomposity, would get right to the point:
“Fast Five:” fourth sequel
It’s more of the same thing, folks
Vin and Dwayne and cars
And then there’s the sitcom, which is already getting shorter and shorter. It only follows that a pitch or description should be in haiku form. The possibilities are endless!
What? A talking dog?
Holy crap, the dog can talk!
How can this be bad?
Why can’t Timmy see
What the neighbors have next door?
Oh. I see. That’s why.
Wait a second here
Let’s see if I have this straight
The mayor’s a girl?
“No! That wasn’t me!”
No one else can see the ghost
Who causes trouble
Shhh! Don’t tell people
The guy who runs the car wash
Is really a SHHH!
And oh, how I wish Terms and Conditions could be whittled down to 17 syllables:
Agreement to Terms
Gives you no legal recourse
But you get iTunes
Wow. Getting right to the point is great, but doing it in an ancient poetry form is even better! Golly, they’re right when they say “brevity is wit!” And “brevity is wit” would make a great first haiku line, too:
Brevity is wit
That pretty much sums it up
Brevity is wit
So, if I applied it to this entire blog post, we'd get:
So here we are. Hey!
Haiku cuts through all the crap!
Yes, welcome to me.
Never mind... I like writing all the crap. Sorry folks. There aren’t enough syllables to try to blog what--
Yes indeed. Welcome to me.


  1. You are so funny.
    Why don't you get on Facebook?
    Like like like like like

  2. i carry your blog post with me(i carry it with me it is in my heart), because it is a blog post and because it is my heart.
    To strive, to seek, to find, and not to blog.
    But the blog
    which no one tends
    is also a garden
    Tell me, what is it you plan to do
    with your one wild and precious blog
    quoth the raven, "I'm hungry. What's for dinner?"
    And miles to go, before I have to stop for gas.
    How do I love thee?
    let me count the syllables in thine haiku.

  3. I see you driving
    Downtown with the girl I love
    and I'm like, haiku!