hello koo

So here we are.

The best haiku I ever wrote was in or around 1990:

Oh I hate haiku

There aren’t enough syllables 

To try to say what --

I still stand by that sentiment, but there are times when I wish that certain things had to be written in haiku form, just to cap the word count. Like internet comments. Even in its limited capacity, I think a haiku could neatly sum up the rambling, pointless points of many a commenter:

This post is stoopid

AMERICANS are the best

I hate fat people

...or...

Groan...DISAGREE... yawn

My opinion trumps your facts

You get paid to write?

...or...

I’mma think its kewl

4 hot singels click here now

Or 2 loose ten lbs

Contracts, void of fancy legalese, would simply read:

We give you money

You give us your life and soul

‘Til we change our minds

Film reviews, often cluttered by pomposity, would get right to the point:

“Fast Five:” fourth sequel

It’s more of the same thing, folks

Vin and Dwayne and cars

And then there’s the sitcom, which is already getting shorter and shorter. It only follows that a pitch or description should be in haiku form. The possibilities are endless!

What? A talking dog?

Holy crap, the dog can talk!

How can this be bad?

...or...

Why can’t Timmy see

What the neighbors have next door?

Oh. I see. That’s why.

...or...

Wait a second here

Let’s see if I have this straight

The mayor’s a girl?

...or...

“No! That wasn’t me!”

No one else can see the ghost

Who causes trouble

...or...

Shhh! Don’t tell people

The guy who runs the car wash

Is really a SHHH!

And oh, how I wish Terms and Conditions could be whittled down to 17 syllables:

Agreement to Terms

Gives you no legal recourse

But you get iTunes

Wow. Getting right to the point is great, but doing it in an ancient poetry form is even better! Golly, they’re right when they say “brevity is wit!” And “brevity is wit” would make a great first haiku line, too:

Brevity is wit

That pretty much sums it up

Brevity is wit

So, if I applied it to this entire blog post, we'd get:

So here we are. Hey!

Haiku cuts through all the crap!

Yes, welcome to me.

Never mind... I like writing all the crap. Sorry folks. There aren’t enough syllables to try to blog what--

Yes indeed. Welcome to me.